Saturday, August 2, 2008

Blonde Joke 1

A freelance photographer decided he wasn't making any money shooting scenic pictures for magazines like National Geographic, so he decided to change his style and shoot porn instead. He had a fabulous idea for a theme, certain it would make him a big name in the business, but it would require a model he called 'a true blonde.' He began interviewing models, but none of them were quite what he was looking for. After weeks of searching, he began to get depressed, thinking he'd never find the perfect model. He stopped in a coffee house and ordered some coffee... and that's when he saw her. The waitress was perfect! She had platinum blonde hair that fell below her shoulder blades, a gorgeous face and a body all men want and all women wish they had. Excitedly, he asked her if she'd ever done any nude posing before. She shrugged and said she hadn't, but for the right price, she would. "I have only one question," he asked. "Are you a true blonde?" "I've never, ever dyed my hair, if that's what you mean," she answered. So he gave her his card and told her to meet him the next day at his studio. When she arrived, he told her to get undressed and step onto the stage he had set up. She undressed and he noticed that her pubic hair was black. Frowning he said, "You said you were a true blonde! What a waste of my time this is." She gestured to him sweetly and walked him over to his desk. She took his hand and sensually placed it palm down onto his desk, then suddenly grabbed a huge paperweight and slammed it onto his hand as hard as she could. When he cussed and screamed at her in agony she just smirked. "Awe, look at that," she cooed, "it's turning black, and it was only banged... once."

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Great Quotes

"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work; I merely inflict myself on the public."
- the late English character actor, Robert Morsely

Indiana Jones: "I'm going after that truck." Sallah: "How?" Indiana Jones: "I don't know - I'm making this up as I go."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -- WC Fields

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
-- Mario Andretti

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
-- Paul Newman

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
-- Peter O'Toole.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -- Henry Ford

“When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life ,She said, "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."-Lewis Black

lists and notes

Movies or T.V. Series, I'd like made before I Die:

-"Planetary" based on the comic book by Warren Ellis
-"Top Ten"
-A worthy sequel to "The Thing",and
Kurt Russell has to be in it
-"100 Bullets"
-"Stray Bullets", and it has to be filmed in Baltimore.Period.
-"Liberty Meadows", rated R, and filmed like "Garfield"
-"The Avengers"
-An "Uncanny X-men" television series instead of some overblown film, done ala "Smallville"
-A "Star Wars" television series that explores not only stories about other characters inbetween the film series and history of the series but also the "What if's" as well.
-"Justice League"
-"Star Wars" 7,8,9 and maybe 10,11,12....
-HellBlazer movie or tv series,preferbly with an English Actor
-"Man on Fire" sequel.. Do you hear me Tony Scott!!! It was Denzel's best movie dammit!

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