Tuesday, October 6, 2009

funny email...

Found this email from craigs list today...
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To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 A M EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend threatening our lifes. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment, I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare footed since I made you leave your your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto...An armed society makes for a more civil society!

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"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work; I merely inflict myself on the public."
- the late English character actor, Robert Morsely

Indiana Jones: "I'm going after that truck." Sallah: "How?" Indiana Jones: "I don't know - I'm making this up as I go."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -- WC Fields

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
-- Mario Andretti

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
-- Paul Newman

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
-- Peter O'Toole.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -- Henry Ford

“When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life ,She said, "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."-Lewis Black

lists and notes

Movies or T.V. Series, I'd like made before I Die:

-"Planetary" based on the comic book by Warren Ellis
-"Top Ten"
-A worthy sequel to "The Thing",and
Kurt Russell has to be in it
-"100 Bullets"
-"Stray Bullets", and it has to be filmed in Baltimore.Period.
-"Liberty Meadows", rated R, and filmed like "Garfield"
-"The Avengers"
-An "Uncanny X-men" television series instead of some overblown film, done ala "Smallville"
-A "Star Wars" television series that explores not only stories about other characters inbetween the film series and history of the series but also the "What if's" as well.
-"Justice League"
-"Star Wars" 7,8,9 and maybe 10,11,12....
-HellBlazer movie or tv series,preferbly with an English Actor
-"Man on Fire" sequel.. Do you hear me Tony Scott!!! It was Denzel's best movie dammit!

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