Saturday, August 2, 2008

Australian Lingo

australian lingo
..>
One in the departure lounge: The need to defecate imminently.

Picasso Arse: A woman, whose panties are too small for her, so she looks like she has four buttocks.

Salad Dodger: An overweight person.

Sperm Wail or Spuphemism: A verbal outburst made during the male orgasm.

Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut: A homosexual.

Swamp Donkey: A deeply unattractive woman.

Tart Fuel or Bitch Piss: Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

Titanic: A woman who goes down first time out.

Todger Dodger: A lesbian.

Up on blocks: Menstruating or otherwise out of action, like a car in a garage. "I don't thin I'm in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks."

Vagina Decliner: A homosexual.

X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Airplane Blonde: One who has bleached or dyed her hair blonde but still has a black box.

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.

Badly Packed Kebab: A term for the female genitalia.

Beaver Leaver: A homosexual.

Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at three in the morning.

Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise,
even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Bone of Contention: A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

Breaking The Seal: Your first piss in the pub, usually after two hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Bruce Lee: An erect nipple.

Budgie's Tongue, Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag: The female erection.

Double Bass: A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

Drink Link: A modern term, for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze cruise...>

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Great Quotes

"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work; I merely inflict myself on the public."
- the late English character actor, Robert Morsely

Indiana Jones: "I'm going after that truck." Sallah: "How?" Indiana Jones: "I don't know - I'm making this up as I go."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -- WC Fields

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
-- Mario Andretti

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
-- Paul Newman

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
-- Peter O'Toole.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -- Henry Ford

“When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life ,She said, "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."-Lewis Black

lists and notes

Movies or T.V. Series, I'd like made before I Die:

-"Planetary" based on the comic book by Warren Ellis
-"Top Ten"
-A worthy sequel to "The Thing",and
Kurt Russell has to be in it
-"100 Bullets"
-"Stray Bullets", and it has to be filmed in Baltimore.Period.
-"Liberty Meadows", rated R, and filmed like "Garfield"
-"The Avengers"
-An "Uncanny X-men" television series instead of some overblown film, done ala "Smallville"
-A "Star Wars" television series that explores not only stories about other characters inbetween the film series and history of the series but also the "What if's" as well.
-"Justice League"
-"Star Wars" 7,8,9 and maybe 10,11,12....
-HellBlazer movie or tv series,preferbly with an English Actor
-"Man on Fire" sequel.. Do you hear me Tony Scott!!! It was Denzel's best movie dammit!

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